The Renegade Angels
by flipperbabiesxx
Summary: In a world so full of evil and sadness, can the saints possibly keep up their crusade for justice? Did killing these sinners, in turn, make them sinners as well? I couldn't update the story on my old account, so I had to re-post the whole thing Reviews are awesome!
1. The Unexpected Visitor

**A/N: I had posted this story back in 2006 under the name FatalisXVeritas but seeing as it's been years and I can't update it on that account anymore, I figured I'd re-post it…Hopefully I won't get in trouble! Reviews would be awesomesauce!**

**The Renegade Angels**

**Chapter 1: The Unexpected Visitor**

It was a quiet night for us, the first we'd had in a while. Connor was asleep on the couch that he'd taken to after his drunken display. Murphy was still gulping down whiskey like it was water, stopping every now and then to light up a cigarette. And I was sitting there, uneasily, not quite sure what to do since I'd been dealing death and judgment for almost a year now. I sighed as I looked around our small apartment. It was a mess; old pizza boxes and empty Chinese containers lay strewn about. Empty whiskey bottles covered most of our small dining table from nights spent trying to drown ourselves in alcohol. Murphy set down his now empty bottle with a clink, eyeing my own half full one.

"Ya keep yer hands off of it. This one's mine." I told him, pulling it closer to me.

"Oh c'mon Aid! Jus' a bit? C'mon! I jus want a sip!" He pleaded; his blue eyes boring into my green ones.

"Bullshit! I know yer "sip" I'll have none left!" I argued.

I'd known these boys my whole life. When my parents died, I was sent to live with my aunt, who lived next to Mrs. MacManus, they were best friends, and so, naturally Murphy, Connor and I became best friends as well. The boys were exactly 2 days older than me. I'd known them for almost 21 years. A lot of things had changed in those years, when we turned 18 we set out to America, like we'd always planned. We'd been to America before, but never stayed more than a week. We moved to South Boston, into a mostly Irish neighborhood, but that was years ago. I noticed Murphy rub a fading bruise on his arm from a drunken fight he'd had with Connor the night before. We fought a lot, being Irish, Murphy and Connor fighting with fists flying, never drawing blood; just leaving bruises. But it was different when I fought with one of the boys; they never raised a hand to me. They'd shove me, and I'd hit them, but they've never raised a hand, ever. They knew better then that.

"I can't do this night off shit. It's jus not gunna fuckin work, man. I'm bored ta tears!" I said.

Connor sat up on the couch, opening his mouth to say something smart, but before he could, the doorknob started to rattle slowly. Before I even had my gun in my hand, Murphy and Connor were standing in front of me, guns drawn, their breath coming quickly. There was a knock at the door. Connor and Murphy stood solidly.

"Oh fer Christ's fucking sake, I'll get it then." I said, pushing my way through them. I peered through the peek hole, and found no one.


	2. A Stranger In The Night

**Chapter 2: A stranger in the night.**

"Well who's it then?" Connor asked me impatiently.

"There's no one there."

"Wha? Y'sure?" Murphy asked with a slight disappointment in his voice.

"D'ya want ta fuckin check?" I asked him, turning around to look at them.

"Aideen, get away from the door." Connor ordered as he crept up behind me. I stepped back behind Murph, my gun still tightly gripped in my hand. Connor slowly opened the door; carefully sticking his head out he peered down the hallway. I saw him pull a piece of paper off the door. He looked at us as he shut the door.

"Y'guna tell us what it says? Or do we have to guess?" Murphy asked.

"It just says Their Coming" A panic gripped me for some reason.

"Who? Who's coming? When? Now? Tonight?" I tried so hard to mask the fear in my voice.

"I dunno, but I think we need ta leave. Start packing." Connor said grimly as we headed toward the bedroom we shared. Soon we were hurriedly walking the streets, our heads down, like we were trying to blend in with the black night. We came upon a small motel and checked in. The bedroom was tiny; a queen-sized bed took up most of the space. A small TV and a table hardly gave a walk way to the cramped bathroom. We sat in silence. Each of us trying to rack our brains and figure out the who's, what's and how's of this evening's event. Murph was cleaning his various collection of weapons and Connor was absentmindedly toying with the rosary around his neck.

"Do ya think we'll ever make it back ta Ireland?" Connor asked as I curled up on his chest, letting my eyes fall as I listened to his heart beat me its own lullaby. I heard them talking as I fell asleep, but my brain couldn't comprehend what they were saying.

When I woke up, the room was black. Small rays of light shone through the blinds, casting shadows onto the ceiling. The clock on the table read 2:37. Connor was wrapped around me and Murphy was on the other side of me, snoring softly. I untangled myself from them, walking into the bathroom to pee. I heard something clink as I shut the door, but I brushed it off, assuming it was just the boys. I opened the door to come face to face with the barrel of a gun. My body froze and my mind went blank. A man pushed his way into the bathroom, shoving me hard against the wall. His haunting blue eyes were the only visible thing I could see and they were harsh. He came closer and whispered into my ear.

"Scream and I'll fucking kill you"

I could feel his breath, hot and disgusting on my neck. I fought hard to keep him off of me, but he proved stronger than I imagined. He kissed my neck and my check, his hands trying to rip off my shirt. Tears flooded my face as I desperately begged him to stop, praying to God Connor or Murphy heard. I freed my hand from where he'd had them pinned up against the wall, and I tried to punch him. He grabbed my hair and bashed my forehead against the wall. I could feel the blood, thick and warm as it trickled down the side of my face. Shivers escaped me as he touched my bare back. I fought with all my strength to make him stop, to get him away. He stopped suddenly as I heard the click of a gun. Murphy and Connor emerged from the shadows, a burning fire in their eyes.

"Get the fuck off'er" Murphy growled dangerously.

"We should kill you where you stand, but why waste our time." Connor added.

All three of them left and I sunk to the ground, sobbing and shaking, unable to even think. Murphy and Connor rushed back in.

"Aid! Aideen! Look 'it me. Did he do anything? Did he hurt ya?" Murphy asked me, panicked as he wrapped a blanket around me. I shook my head no. The tears burned as they fell.

"Motherfucker! I should go blow his fucking brains out!" Connor said, furiously.

"I-I tried ta get him off….I tried s-so hard ta make him go away….I tried…" I told them in between sobs. They helped me up.

"It's okay, love, he's gone now. He's not coming back. We promise. Just lie down and get some sleep, we'll stay up all night. I promise." Murphy whispered soothingly as I put my head on his chest. Connor looked as if he was about to cry from the chair at the end of the bed. As I fell asleep, I listened to them talk.

"We're lucky we heard something. He could've raped her." Murphy whispered, stroking my hair.

"He could've done worse. Stupid bastard. Poor Deenie, scared fucking shitless." Connor answered.

"Do y'think she'll be alright?" Murph sounded so concerned.

"She'll be better tomorrow, I'm sure, jus let'er sleep some of the shock off. I'm sure she'll be fine." Connor said hopefully. Sleep came over me. I heard nothing else.


	3. An Angel for the Saints

**Chapter 3: An Angel for the Saints**

It seemed like I'd only just fallen asleep when I shot up and looked at the clock. 11:35. Dried blood was crusted onto my forehead. Murph was still asleep. Connor was up, and there was coffee on the table. He looked like he hadn't slept at all since last night.

Last Night…goose bumps formed, it was like he was still there. I could still feel his breath on my neck.

"G'mornin" Connor said as I hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Y'feelin better?"

I nodded as I put a hand onto the bump on my head. Connor looked at me, confused.

"He smashed my head against the wall." I explained

"Looks like he did a pretty good job at it too." Connor said as he brushed away my hair, investigating the knot.

"We stayin here all day? Or are we goin' back ta tha apartment?" I asked him.

"I dunno yet." He looked at me, concerned. "Y'sure yer alright?"

"I'm fine Connor, I swear, D'ya want ta take me ta tha fuckin hospital?" I said sounding a bit annoyed, I hated when they worried about me. I could take care of myself.

"I think we should go back ta tha apartment, if it looks safe, we'll stay. We've got this room fer another 2 days." I nodded. We both looked up as Murph gave a tremendous snore. I watched as Connor crept over to him and put his gun to Murphy's head. I choked down a laugh as Connor started yelling.

"GET UP! Right now! Don't move, or I'll kill'em!" Murphy shot up. He looked at the gun, then at Connor, then at me. And I burst out laughing.

"Since yer up, we're going ta check tha apartment. Oh! And we've got coffee!" Connor said, slightly smirking and trying so hard not to bust up laughing.

"Tha fuck was that fer?" Murphy said a little irritated "Ya scared tha bejesus outta me!"

"I dunno. But ya shoulda seen tha look on yer face! It was priceless!" Connor erupted into fits of laughter. I walked over to Murphy, giving him a hug and a kiss as well.

"I see yer feeling better." Worry flashed through his eyes. My heart sank slightly.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I said, thinking of a way to change the subject. A hasty knock at the door distracted all our attention. Connor peeked through the hole, and quickly opened the door.

"Da!" Murphy exclaimed, jumping up from the bed, hugging him, like a little boy who's been waiting for his dad all day.

"'Lo boys, Aideen." He nodded to me.

"Wha's brought ya out of hiding?" Connor asked what I'd been thinking.

"I jus wanted ta make sure ya three were alright. Tha apartment's completely destroyed."

"Wha? How long ago were ya there?" Murphy asked.

"Not more'n 15 minutes ago." And so, we were out the door, driving like mad to the apartment. I ran towards the door, Connor grabbed me.

"Stop, ya dun't know wha's in there." Murphy opened the door, slowly. I rushed in. The place was torn apart. The table and chairs had been thrown across the room. The couch turned almost upside down, the TV had been thrown against the wall, and the dishes had been thrown against the walls, leaving glass everywhere.

"Lord in 'evan!" I heard Connor whisper as he entered behind me. The door to the bedroom was open. I ran in. Clothes lay everywhere, mattresses leaning up against the wall, cut open. Every single box had been dumped out. I picked up the box that had held pictures of the boys and I, and our families.

"Look 'it this." Murphy held up a picture of what had been the three of us at the Empire State Building when we went last year. All of our faces had been cut out. It was the same for almost every picture that we had.

"Do ya think this had anything ta do with last night?" Connor asked.

"What about last night? What happened?" Da demanded. I explained it to him.

"That was no coincidence, keep yer eyes open and yer guns at hand." Having the twins' dad there was strange. We'd only met him 4 months ago, and our first encounter with him, he tried to shoot us. Mrs. MacManus hadn't made him out to be the best person in the world either.

"So where are we staying tonight? I'm not spending another night at tha hotel. And there's no way in hell I'm staying here." I refused.

"I dunno, we'll figure something out, but fer now, we've got ta figure out who put the note on the door."

Suddenly, it clicked…Smecker.

"Smecker!" I said quietly.

Murphy's eyes shone brightly, it hurt me to look at his eyes for some reason. I felt dirty from last night, I felt unclean, I need forgiveness, and I needed church. My vision blurred slightly, my legs felt so weak, and I could hear my heart pounding in my head. I could feel Connor behind me, his hands tight around my waist as my body gave out. The last thing I saw was Connor's eyes, filled with nervousness and panic.

I heard whispers as I slowly regained consciousness. I heard Murphy's familiar hum, and Connor's quiet whispers.

"She'll be alright, I'm sure she'll be alright…." He started mumbling.

I could imagine his head bent down in prayer. I opened my eyes, looking around, worried.

I saw Murphy and Connor to the right of me, sitting in chairs. I'd been right; Connor had his head down, his lips moving quickly, clutching his rosaries tightly. I opened my mouth to say something just as Murph's eyes locked onto mine.

"Aideen!" He almost yelled. Connor's head shot up instantly.

"Where am I? Where's Da?" I asked, my voice weak and delicate.

"Da's fine, he's fine, yer in the hospital." Connor said, placing his hand on mine.

I noticed Murphy's leg bouncing. For being twins, Murphy and Connor were so different. Connor was the calmer one, so oblivious to everything around him. He had this special gift of tuning out the world when he wanted to. Connor was the big brother that you knew would always be there for you no matter what you do. Murphy on the other hand was the ball of energy. You could often catch him bouncing a leg or repeatedly running a hand through his hair. He was the more attentive one, the more perceptive one. You didn't have to act around Murphy, he could see through any disguise you put up.

"Tha hospital? What tha fuck am I in tha hospital fer?" I said, getting nervous, I always hated hospitals.

"Aideen, calm down, yer getting out soon, tha doctors have gone ta fill out tha paper work." Murphy placed a hand on my arm. I sighed, looking at them both.

"Don't worry boys, I'll be fine…I'll be _fine_!" I said cheerily, trying to take the sadness out of their eyes.

"We'll always worry. Yer family, and well…. we love ya. It scared us, tha's all…" Murphy said as a doctor came into the room.

"Oh good, I see you're awake. Everything looks okay. You've got no internal bleeding and a small concussion, so just take it easy for a few days. You're free to leave." He said, shaking Murphy's and Connor's hand, who thanked him profusely.

I ripped the I.V. out of my arm as soon as the doctor left the room, not bothering to stop the small trickle of blood. Connor handed me clothes.

"Grabbed'em from tha house."

I threw on my favorite shirt, it was a vintage looking gray one with the leprechaun from Lucky Charms on it and a pair of my slightly ripped up jeans, along with a hoodie that I'd stolen from one of the boys' years ago. It was an awkward silence as I slipped my feet into my work boots, worn from years of constant work and motion. I checked my head in the mirror. The swelling had gone down, but it'd left a nice bruise. I quickly let down my brown hair, trying to hide the bump beneath it.

"Where's my….." I trailed off. I felt strange and naked without my guns and my knife. I'd grown strangely attached to them over the months. Quickly Murphy passed me my effects and we were off.


	4. The Trip To Smecker

**Chapter Four: The Trip to Smecker.**

It had to have been 2 o'clock at least.

"Are we goin?" I asked suddenly as the boys and I walked along.

"Goin where?" Connor asked.

"Ta see Smecker, dumbass."

"I dunno, don't ya think you should relax fer a while?" He said, his eyes taking a fretful tone.

"I can relax when I'm dead." I said shrugging as I heard Connor sigh. I knew he was worried, I knew both of them were, but I ignored it, figuring it would pass with time. We walked in silence on the path to the police station.

"Would you stop bitin 'em!" Murphy exclaimed for the fourth time now. I looked at him, my fingernail still in my mouth.

"Ya know it's a habit." I protested. I felt like we were 6 again. I'd adopted some of Murphy's restlessness over the years.

"Here…smoke…" he said, giving me a cigarette and a lighter. So I smoked.

We came to the steps of the police station. I could almost see us before it'd all happened; Murphy and Connor in nothing but bloodied robes, me in my pajamas, and all three of us in untied boots, hobbling up the stairs to go confess self-defense. It seemed like it'd been years since it'd happened. We walked inside, not drawing much attention, except from Detectives Duffy and Dolly, who knew what we were up to. They immediately ushered us into the small interrogation room we'd been in last time.

"Is Smecker here?" I asked hopefully.

"He's out for now, getting coffee, should be back soon, I'll send him in." Dolly said, shooting a glance at me. Then they left.

"What are we doing here? What if Smecker decides ta arrest us?" Murphy said, sounding nervous.

"We'll find out now." Connor said as Smecker waltzed into the room.

"Long time no see, what brings you guys here?" he said, eyeing the bump. Slowly, we explained the night's events.

"So you want to know if I put the note on your door." He hadn't lost his touch. We nodded.

"Wish it was, but sorry, no, I've been in Philly for the past 2 weeks. I just got back this morning." He said as my frustration mounted.

"What tha fuck!" I sighed, standing up suddenly.

"Aideen calm tha fuck down!" Connor said, picking up the chair that I'd knocked over.

"Calm down? How do ya expect me ta calm down? There are people out fer us, they know where we live, they've got our fuckin pictures!" I yelled at him.

"Calm tha fuck down! Listen ta me! It'll be alright! Take a deep fucking breath. We're here. Ya know Murph and I wouldn't let ya get hurt. Now chill out." We sat down again.

"Listen, while you're here, I need to ask you a favor, there's this hot-shot drug dealer known as Maulfino. We've been trying to get him for years now, but he always disappears on us. We've got his address, and I need you three to take him out." We looked at each other, deciding instantly.

"Sure, we'll do it." Murphy replied for us.

"Good, but take care, he's not going to give up without a fight." Smecker said, handing me his address. We said our good-byes and headed for Rocco's old apartment.

His death was the only reason we kept on doing this. His last words were still echoing around in my head. That scene still haunted me. I could remember it so clearly. Papa Joe opened the door again, a determined look set on his face. Connor, Murph and I knew what he'd come to do. Murph struggled to free himself as Connor gave a blood-curdling cry. I sat there, speechless, wanting to yell along with Connor, but I found no words to fill the shock. That shot…it replayed over and over in my head. Murphy fought with the bounds, eventually dropping himself next to Rocco. I could hear him gasping for his last breaths as the blood gurgled in his chest.

_"Don't stop….you guys get outta here….Don't.. ever… stop…." _He managed, and then he was gone. A rage filled all of us. Connor started screaming his head off, Murphy just laid there in disbelief, eyes wide in shock, and I was moving around now, vowing over and over again that I was going to kill them. I wanted to make them suffer. I wanted them to pay. I secretly swore never to stop until every single sinner was dead, or at least until we were. I sat in Roc's empty apartment, deep in thought, wondering how far we would take this. And in my heart, I knew, we wouldn't stop, until one of us was dead.

"I'm going fer a walk," Murphy said suddenly.

It didn't bother us anymore, Murphy always liked to take walks, even when he was little, he'd always go and take a walk, he liked the time to himself, to clear his head and let himself go. I stood, pacing, trying to calm the mixed emotions I had inside…. Wasn't this God's will? Was murdering okay if it was for him? Did killing these sinners make us, in turn, sinners as well? I felt Connor's arms wrap around me, holding me. I rested my head on his shoulder, synchronizing my breathing with his. I turned to face him, putting my hands on his shoulders as I stared into his eyes. I reached up and ruffled his hair, smiling slightly.

"Ya know, ya _can_ stay here while we do this…. I think it'd be best if ya did." Connor said softly. Anger filled me so quickly. How could Connor say something like that? I wasn't 7 anymore. I didn't need a baby-sitter. I knew they would do this to me, I knew they would baby me now.

"What? Connor, I'm not a fucking kid anymore; I'm 27 for fuck's sake! Thanks fer tha concern, but I'm fine, now stop trying ta act like my father!" I yelled at him.

I could feel a fight coming on, and it was going to be a big one.

"I'm fucking sorry if I worry about ya fer Christ's sake! I not trying ta be yer father…I'm trying to make sure that yer not tha next fucking one in a body bag! But fine, fuck it! If ya think ya can survive without Murph and I, then go, there's tha fucking door!" He screamed, standing an inch from my face, his hand still pointing at the door.

"Fuck you Connor…" was all I could say as I grabbed my jacket from the back of the chair and walked out. He didn't try to stop me, and I didn't want him to."I'm not a little kid anymore." Was all I kept mumbling as I made my way outside. I sat on the curb, smoking a few cigarettes, half expecting Connor to come running out of the building, his jacket not all the way on, an unlit cigarette in his hand, calling my name and looking around for me. He didn't come, and I didn't care. I sat there for at least 20 minutes before I saw Murphy come strolling back up to the door. He gave me a quick look of confusion, then letting me be as he realized I'd gotten into a fight with Connor. I finished my cigarette and went inside, not really knowing what to say; just figuring Connor would be cooled off by now. The door was slightly open and I could hear the boys talking, I paused outside the door, just listening and making sure I should go back inside.

"Murph — she's not invincible, ya know it. And she can't do this on her own. She'll be tha next murder we see on the news, I don't want that." I heard Connor say in a hushed tone.

"Aideen's stubborn, yes, but she's not stupid. Tha girl can fend fer herself, if need be. I'm just saying; let her be fer a while. She doesn't need us ta protect her all tha time. Lord knows we can try, but we can't protect her forever." Murphy said slowly, there was a break. I took a deep breath as I pushed open the door. The boys stopped their conversation as I walked in. Connor came up and kissed my forehead. The boys and I never liked to apologize, nor did we like to accept apologies, but I knew I was forgiven.

"Look, Aidey, I think Connor's right, ya don't have ta stay if ya don't want ta, but given today's hospital scare, I think ya'd be better off just staying here while we do this." Murphy said quietly, taking a few steps towards me. I looked at him, and then at Connor, not sure what to say, since they ganged up on me, yet again. I had no choice.

"Fine, fuck it; you guys aren't going ta give it a fucking rest. So fine, I'll be tha housewife." I said sitting down with a sigh of defeat. The boys smiled, each of them kissing the top of my head.

"Atta girl. Now, ya know not ta talk ta strangers right?" Murphy teased me. I turned around, giving him a soft punch to the stomach. And before I knew it, the boys and I were rolling around on the floor, wrestling and giggling like we'd done when we were little. Playing was our solution as kids, we would dive into this imaginary world when we were younger, because in that world, there was no evil, there was no need for Saints and Sinners, and everything was perfect. But we'd grown up and realized that we couldn't hide forever and eventually, we would have to face the monsters under our bed.


	5. Familia

**A/N: Song is "Guernica" by Brand New. And "Rien ne vient entre la famille" is French for "Nothing comes between family."**

**Chapter 5: Familia**

The boys had been gone for almost 3 hours. I drank to ward off my mother-like worry. I hated being away from them. The silence thickened as I thought of Murphy and Connor. We'd been inseparable since I was 7. We had all the same classes until we graduated. I told these boys almost everything, they knew my whole entire thought process, and vice versa. Sure, Connor and Murphy were a bit closer to each other, but what twins aren't? We fought for each other, coming home bruised and bloody because someone had started with one of the others. We'd all bled enough for each other to be considered family. Emotions exploded inside of me. I lit up another cigarette, my 10th in half-an-hour, to ease the anxious worry that was slowly mounting on my shoulders.

_Wha's taking so long?_ I shot another glance at the clock.

_They're fine… _

_No…somethin's wrong…I need ta find 'em…_

_Stay here, they'll be back any minute, they probably went ta have a drink_

_Not without me…they're in some deep shit…_

_What will they do when they come here ta find tha place empty?_

_Well it'd serve them right fer leavin me behind._

I felt so helpless just sitting there in a tank top and a pair of Murphy's pajama pants, just waiting. I put my head down on the table, shutting my eyes and letting memories of the boys and I flood my brain. I could remember being 15 and spending the endless summer days at the nearest lake, swimming and laughing, spending the warm summer nights in an open field, staring at the stars as we talked for hours about nothing and everything, drinking stolen bottles from god knows where.

"Do ya think we'll always be together?" I remember Murphy asked, not taking his innocent blue eyes from the sparkling stars. Connor looked at us, unfolding his hands from behind his head.

"Of course, don't be stupid. We're family, nothin' comes between family."

I could remember the hundreds of fights we'd all gotten in for each other. There were some that two of us fought. I remember Connor going through so many girlfriends, all of them eventually getting tired of Connor putting me first. Murphy never dated like Connor, he had had a few girlfriends, nothing ever too serious though. We were stuck with each other, and we wouldn't have it any other way…

The door smashed open with a bang. My head flew up as my fears became real. Murphy limped in, his movements slowed by the weight of Connor, who wasn't moving. My heart pounded as I helped bring Connor into the bedroom and lay him down. There was no way he could still be alive. Blood was everywhere. It had soaked Connor's shirt, turning it a deep crimson, it had covered his face too. It was then that I noticed the 4 holes in his shirt, bullet holes…I noticed the slow rise and fall of his chest. I turned to Murphy, who was staring at his brother's motionless body. Murphy looked at me, tears starting to run down his cheeks. This was worse than I thought. Instinctively I ripped open Connor's sopping shirt, looking for anything to help stop the bleeding. Murphy handed me a dishrag, and I heard the water running. Murphy started trying to clean the drying blood off of Connor. We sat there, well into the night cleaning and bandaging Connor, neither of us saying a word other than the occasional prayer. It was 2 in the morning before we stopped. I looked at Murphy, whose face looked like hell. His lip was swollen on the left side, a trail of blood had dried there, his eye was swelling slightly too. His entire face was covered in blood, a solid mixture of his own and Connor's.

He let me clean him up a bit as we sat by Connor, neither of daring to leave, for fear something might happen. He looked at me, his blue eyes held pain and suffering, where there had once been wonder and love.

"Wha happened?" He said nothing, but still didn't take his eyes off mine.

"Murphy…tell me…" I begged.

"We got ta his house, and waited, tha wife left, and tha kids. We got in alright, but he was waiting…it was a fucking ambush. They…they were everywhere. We thought we'd gotten them all…. but one wasn't dead…. and tha next thing I know, Connor's pushing me out of the way…" Murphy said, giving a guilty look at Connor as he tried to fight back the tears.

"Get some rest, dear, I'll watch him." I whispered as I held him.

"But—"He started. I held a finger to his lips.

"If anything happens, I'll let ya know. Good…or bad…" I promised, Murphy nodded as he made his way to the raggedy couch. And soon, I could hear him breathing softly. I sat there in silence, watching Connor, praying every now and again for him to make it through, for my sake, and even more for Murphy's sake. Lyrics suddenly sprang into my head. Roc used to listen to it a lot. I searched for the tape and played it softly.

_**Ever since I was young**_

_**Your word is the word that always won.**_

_**Worry and wake the ones you love.**_

_**A phone call I'd rather not receive.**_

_**Please use my body while I sleep.**_

_**My lungs are fresh and yours to keep.**_

_**Kept clean and they will let you breathe.**_

I thought about being the Saints, and I was tired of it. I didn't want this anymore. It had gone too far. It had gotten too dangerous now. There was too much at risk.

_**Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?**_

_**I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.**_

I jumped slightly as Connor gave a small gasp. Guilt overpowered me.

"I'm sorry…I shulda been there…" I whispered as I clasped onto his hand. Murph and Connor were my whole world. I prayed, hard. Desperately hoping that Connor would pull through.

_**Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,**_

_**So I sat alone and waited out the night.**_

_**The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.**_

_**So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.**_

_**I'm not writing my goodbyes.**_

"God…. please…I'll do anything, I'll quit smoking, I'll go ta church more…anything…let'im pull through." I cried to no one. My tears fell onto his hand.

_**I submit no excuse.**_

_**If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake.**_

_**If I could I would shrink myself.**_

_**Sink through your skin to your blood cells **_

_**Remove whatever makes you hurt…**_

…_**But I am too weak to be your cure.**_

I heard Murphy by the door. He was braced against the doorframe. I looked up at him, wiping my eyes.

"I don't want t' lose him…" I said as he dropped to the floor next to me. I collapsed into his arms. He didn't say anything, just looked at Connor.

"Connor won't go he's too stubborn ta…" He said.

_**I'm not letting you check out.**_

_**You will beat this starting now and you will always be around.**_

_**I'm there to monitor your breathing,**_

_**I will watch you while you're sleeping.**_

_**I will keep you safe and sound.**_

_**Does anybody remember back when you were very young.**_

_**Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?**_

We sat there, quietly. I was running my hand gently through his hair, humming one of his favorite Irish songs. Murphy was hurting inside; I knew he was. He very rarely showed anything he was feeling. But if you looked hard enough into his blue eyes, you could see the pain, and the guilt and the fear he was hiding inside himself. Murphy didn't say a word; he just looked at Connor, battling with himself to keep calm. I knew Murphy would talk if he wanted to. We sat there most of the night, just listening to awkward silence loom in the apartment. I yawned as I looked at the clock. 4:54 am. I stretched as I sat on the floor. It's almost like I was scared to move, I hadn't left this spot all night.

"Go get some sleep…. ya look exhausted." Murphy said. I glanced at Connor, who hadn't improved or declined tonight.

"I suppose a quick nap won't hurt…. ya'll wake me if anything happens?" He nodded. I wasn't tired in the least bit, but I knew Murphy wanted time alone, to cry and pray for Connor. So I let him lead me onto the couch, and cover me with a blanket. He went to go back to Connor and I grabbed his arm.

"When yer done, can ya come and lay with me fer a bit?" I wanted to cringe, I sounded like a child who was scared of the dark. Murphy flashed a sad smile and nodded. I lay there, desperately wanting this to be a dream. But this was real…. Connor was in the other room, fighting with himself to live or die. I wasn't there to keep them safe…. I felt like a failure. I shut my eyes, hoping for sleep to overwhelm me and let me escape this, even for a little while. I felt the blanket move, and new warmth next to me. I didn't need to open my eyes, it was Murphy, I knew it. I felt his soft lips on my forehead as he wrapped his arms around me. He knew I was awake. Murphy didn't have to guess.

"I love ya so much, little fire." He whispered. Little fire…that was what my name meant in Gaelic, and it fit me perfectly. Connor's and Murphy's fit them too. Connor's meaning "Strong willed" which was an amazing match because Connor was the most stubborn man I've ever known, and Murphy's meant "sea warrior" which doesn't really fit anyone, but still…it's a cool name….

"I love ya too, my warrior" I said quietly. I looked up at him. His eyes were full of emotions. It killed me to know that I couldn't magically make Connor better. Murphy felt naked without Connor who was his protector, his best friend. I knew I couldn't do anything to fill that void, and I didn't want to try.

"Rien ne vient entre la famille" I said, he smiled a bit, holding me tightly. And we lay like that, until sleep drifted over us, and we were free from worry and fear.


	6. My Rock In A Terrible Storm

**Chapter 6: My Rock in a Terrible Storm.**

It could have only been a few hours later, when I awoke with a start and I was alone. I threw the old, worn blanket off me in a hurry. Last night had to have been a dream, there was no way that had happened. I sprinted into the bed room and my stomach sank as I found Murph curled up next to Conner, and neither was awake. Murphy jumped up as I came in, his hand instinctively going for the gun that lay beside the tattered mattress on the floor.

"How's he doin?" I said softly as Murphy rose.

"A bit better, I suppose. His breathin's back ta normal almost." He said as I wrapped my arms around him. We stood there like that, just like statues for a while. Neither of us could really believe that this had happened and neither of us really knew what to do. We didn't need words to comfort each other, just being there was enough, it always had been.

_This isn't real_, I kept thinking to myself. _I'm jus dreaming, why can't I wake up?_

Murphy had probably felt the stifled sob that I'd tried to keep down. He rocked me gently in his arms and started humming so softly, I wasn't sure he was doing it at all. I closed my eyes and willed away the tears that I felt forming, half hoping to open them and have Connor leap out of bed like this was some kind of sick joke. But it wasn't and Connor didn't move.

_This isn't a joke, Aid...ya've got t' accept that he might die._

I gritted my teeth at the thought and pushed it from my head.

_NO. I can't think like tha. Connor'll pull through, 'e's gotta._

_There's no way ya coulda known..._

_I shouldn'ta stayed behind...I coulda done something...anything..._

In my self-consumed guilt I guess I'd started crying because Murphy's wiping away my tears brought me back to reality. His eyes screamed fear, panic, and guilt just as much as I'm sure mine did.

"Don't blame yerself Murph, ya couldn't have known. It's up ta him now." I whispered, almost as if I was scared to wake Connor. In all actuality, I'd give up just about anything to see those beautiful blue eyes of his.

"I just...dunno wha ta do. I couldn't imagine not havin him around..." He murmured. I knew he was losing a fight with himself and for once, I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't fight this one for either of them and I felt so helpless for the first time in my life. I'd always been there to bail the boys out when things got too rough for them, same as they'd done for me. That's just how it was and I was dying inside knowing that I couldn't save them. Anger rose in me and I started shaking.

"Fuck! Goddamnit! Why would he do this ta us?" I shouted, storming out, slamming the table. Murphy was on my heels like a lost puppy. I wasn't sure if I was yelling about Smecker, or about God...or both. I was sure Smecker hadn't known that it would have been an ambush, but I just needed to be angry at someone. Had God abandoned us? Was he punishing us for what we'd done? I was emotionally drained. I sank to my knees, bawling. Murphy was right there next to me; my silent rock in this terrible storm.

"It's alright, Aidey. T'll all be alright. I'm not goin anywhere." He pulled me onto the couch and I pressed my face against his chest, listening desperately to his heartbeat. I didn't bother to wipe the tears that were flooding down my face and I could feel Murphy softy crying as well. We stayed like that, frantically needing each other, both of us praying that this would all be okay in the end.


	7. Affairs of a Drunk Head and a Sober Hear

**Chapter 7: Affairs of a Drunk Head and a Sober Heart.**

When we had finished draining our emotions, we went about cleaning and re-bandaging Connor's wounds. The skin around them had started bruising, turning black and deep shades of green and purple. We prayed quietly next to him when we had finished. I prayed harder than I had in my entire life, harder than when Rocco had died, or when Murphy had gotten pneumonia when he was 17 and almost died, harder than anything I could ever remember.

_God, I'm not sure what ya thinka all of this killin business we're doin, but I swear ta ya that if ya let him live, I'll do whatever I 'ave ta ta make sure this ends. I need him Lord. Ya know I do. He's not just my friend, he's a part 'o my 'eart and I dunno if I'm ready to lose him. Just spare him and I'll do whatever ya want me ta. Amen_

We both left the room, knowing there wasn't else we could really do but wait. I sat at the table in the living room as Murphy disappeared into the cramped kitchen and reappeared with a bottle of whiskey, a small smirk on his face.

"Nothin' else ta really do, right?" I smiled for the first time in almost 2 days.

"I love you more an more everyday Murph."

We drank, talking mostly of anything but Connor. We reminisced about Ireland, about old friends, old fights and old lovers we hadn't seen or thought of in years, trying to ease the tension for as long as possible. Murphy suddenly looked at me, a spark back in his eyes.

"Ya know he's in love with ya." He said quietly. I looked up from pouring myself a shot, dumbfounded.

"Oh fuck off Murph. Yer full of shit an you know it." I said, downing the shot and lighting myself a smoke.

"You fuck off. I'm not jokin'. He's crazy about ya." He said, now drinking straight from the bottle.I was quiet for a few mintues, trying to process it. Connor…in love with me? No way. It couldn't be possible, though, for some reason, the thought of it elated me and I didn't know why.

"We'll see about tha now. Just you wait til he's awake. He'll kick your arse fer sayin' that." I joked and Murphy smiled. It eased my heart to see that smile back on his face. Things seemed to be going alright, given the grim situation.

"At least Connor can hold his liquor, yer the one that puked all over Seamus McGavin at Marleen O'Sullivan's party when we were 17!" He howled as I grabbed the bottle from him, taking a long drink. I felt the whiskey sail down my throat, warming my insides with the deep burn I loved so much. I took a drag of my cigarette and laughed with Murphy.

"Oh yeah? Well, yer tha one who got caught makin out with that girl who turned out ta be a man! Thought we'd all forgotten about that one didn't ya?" I retorted and it continued that way for the better part of an hour.

When the bottle was done, I made food for Murph and went to check on Connor while he ate. I sat quietly by the bed, checking his breathing and his pulse. They both were strong and that was a good sign. Unable to help myself, I nestled myself alongside him, just listening to him breathe. I watched him as I ran my fingers through his hair, thinking of what Murphy had said earlier. Could he be in love with me? I tried to think back for an instance it might have shown. I mean, when we were younger all his girlfriends _did_ get jealous of our relationship and he _had_ asked me to Prom, but did that really mean he was in love with me? And why did that thought make me so happy? Had I secretly always loved him back? I looked at him again, sighing.

"Ya gotta wake up Conner. We need ya. I need ya. Ya can't just back out now, Noccie. Yer stronger than that and ya know it." I whispered, pressing my face against his neck. His scent overwhelmed me and I was lost in memories of him. I could remember his smile, sly and scheming. Or the way he always knew just what to say to make it better. I felt so lost without him. My heart jumped as I recalled a particularly hazy evening from last year:

_Murphy, Connor and I had just come back from McGinty's after a fun filled evening of heavy drinking. We had stumbled up the steps, most of which Connor and I had had to drag Murphy up since he was too drunk to say his name, let alone walk...I told him those extra shots were a bad idea. We'd finally made it to our grungy loft and put him on the couch, where he drunkenly rambled and laughed to himself. _

_"He's completely cocked!" Connor said, chuckling as we watched Murphy sing to himself._

_"Aye. that he is. Are ya hungry? I think some food'll do tha boy some good." I said as I rose from the table. I noticed that Connor was talking a little slurred and that everything spun if I turned my head too quickly._

_"I'm fuckin starving! Ya don't have ta cook fer us though, Deenie. Ya ain't Ma." He said empathetically as I waved a hand._

_"Nonsense, Murph needs ta eat something. Ya probably should eat too, ya haven't all day really." I argued as I started the stove and began to look for something to make, settling on grilled cheese._

_I heard Connor open two beers as he stood. I turned to face him as he handed me a beer. I leaned into him, my head fitting perfectly on his shoulder. We started swaying and he pressed his lips to my ear._

_"Ya know, yer gonna make a man insanely happy one day." he said softly. I smiled into him, my heart swelling. We looked at each other and there was something different between us. Just as I opened my mouth to say something, Murphy interrupted._

_"AY! Ay yewww guysssss. Lookitthissss! Loooooooookkkkk" he said, clearly amused with something strange he had found in our couch. Connor and I laughed, slightly awkwardly as I began to make food for the drunken, lovable fool._

I gasped as I looked back at Connor, now motionless next to me. How could I have forgotten that? But, that was a year ago, if not more. I'd seen the way girls looked at the boys. They were handsome, after all. And something about Irishmen drove American girls crazy. They practically threw themselves at my boys, which I always found so distasteful. Is that why I'd always gotten so jealous when Connor had talked to girls? In my mind, it was just because we were all so close. I'd always thought no girl was ever good enough for him, and Murph. But it was always different with Connor. I was so confused now. My head was telling me it wasn't true, that it couldn't be, that Murph was just drunk and talking shit; but you can't hide things like this from your heart. Connor's breathing shifted me out of my head and I found that I'd wrapped my arms around him tightly, like he was my teddy bear. Gently, I kissed his forehead and got up, not wanting to think about this when I was drunk. No, things like this were better left to a sober mind.


	8. More Like Bullets And Less Like A Train

**Chapter 8: More like Bullets and Less like a Train**

Murphy was nuzzled up on the couch, flipping through channels at light speed, more to keep his hands occupied then his brain. He moved over as I sat down, still a little drunk from earlier. I lit myself a cigarette and we sat in silence. My head was still swimming and I just wanted this all to stop. I took a long drag off my cigarette and sighed as I exhaled. I could see Murph look at me out of the corner of his eye. He knew something was wrong.

"Ya alright Deenie?" he said, turning the volume down on the TV.

"I suppose. I'm just a bit…confused is all." I admitted. I couldn't hold back anything from the boys, especially Murphy. He always saw through my charades.

"'Bout what I said earlier? There's nothin ta be confused about, love. Jus do what comes naturally. There's no reason ta complicate it." He answered thoughtfully. I nodded, settling myself into the couch.

"Yer right Murph. Ya always are." I mumbled. I saw him smirk slightly.

We sat in silence for the next half an hour. Just as I was about to ask what time Murphy thought it was, I heard rustling from the bedroom. Murph and I looked at each other, our eyes wide and we bolted to the room, hopeful. And there was Connor, my beautiful, wonderful Connor, now halfway off the bed, his face twisted in pain as he tenderly tried to get up.

"NOCCIE!" I yelled as Murphy and I dashed to his side.

"Not so loud Deenie! I feel like I got fuckin hit by a train!" Connor said, his voice raspy from disuse.

"Well, it was more like bullets and less like a train…" Murphy half joked, the pure joy etched into his words. Both of us were bursting with relief.

"Ya alright Murph?" Connor said anxiously as we laid him back down. I rushed to get him water.

"I'm alright. It's you we were worried 'bout. Nearly gave me an Aidey a fuckin heart attack ya did." He said quietly.

"But I'm fuckin I'm alive ain't I?" Connor argued, his boyish smile sneaking onto his face. Nothing would ever change him. I gave him water and he drank gratefully.

He looked at me and Murphy when he was done, eyeing us from head to toe before starting to laugh.

"Ya look like shit." He chuckled. I gave a look to Murphy as he did the same to me. His face was almost sickly, and his eyes had big, dark circles underneath of them, his hair was wild, sticking out everywhere and there was a bruise starting to form under his right cheekbone. I couldn't even imagine what I looked like.

"Speak fer yerself there man. Ya wouldn't be talkin if ya could see yerself!" I countered. Connor flashed me a smile and suddenly, I was remembering that night last year, his face close to mine, both of us trembling with nervousness and excitement.

"I gotta piss like a fuckin racehorse!" Connor said suddenly, trying to ease himself up. Murphy helped him up while I raced to make him some food, realizing he hadn't eaten in close to 2 days. We put him on the couch, surrounding him with as many pillows and blankets as we could find.

"D'ya think Smecker knew t'was an ambush?" Connor said between mouthfuls of food.

"I dunno. I don't see why he'd be settin us up. We're sorta a liability ta him aren't we?" I reasoned as I ashed my cigarette.

"Suppose someone's watchin us? Maybe someone who knows most of these fuckin scumbags?" Murphy said, handing us each a beer before plopping himself down.

"But who? No one really knows where we are. How would they even know?" Connor said, gingerly trying to reposition himself. I went to him and started fussing with his pillows and blankets. I saw Murphy smile out of the corner of my eye.

"Ma'd be proud ta know at least someone's lookin after us." He murmured affectionately.

"Well, lord knows someone has ta. Ya both need fuckin safety suits tha way ya attract trouble!" I said, laughing. "Anyways, I dunno who. But we'd best be fuckin careful from now on. No more jobs til this gets sorted out. Lord knows my heart can't take tha fuckin stress!" I said as Connor put a hand on my cheek. It felt nice. I put his hand in mine as Murphy started to grab his jacket and some cash.

"Where ya headed there?" Connor asked as I sat on the couch.

"Well, we're almost out of food, an more importantly beer, we can't have tha happenin right?" He grinned as he walked out the door.

Connor put his arm around me and he clicked on the TV. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I turned to look at him, studying his familiar face. My eyes started tracing the lines that I'd practically memorized by now. He looked at me.

"Wha? Something in my teeth?" He teased. I snorted loudly.

"I was so scared Noccie. I dunno wha I woulda done if ya hadn'ta woken up…" I said gently. The smile faded from his face and he brushed a few stray hairs from my face.

"I know Deenie, I know. But I'm here now ain't I? I'm not goin anywhere, love. Ya can't get rid o' me that easily." He answered, cupping my face in his hands.

"Who said I wanted ta get rid of ya? Ya think I want ta be stuck with Murph fer tha rest of my life? Fuck no!" I giggled. We just looked at each other, our eyes saying everything we couldn't speak. The boys and I didn't need words anymore. We'd been around each other for so long that they simply weren't needed. One look at each other and it was like we'd spoken a thousand words. Connor's eyes were staring intently into my own and I couldn't help but smile softly. These boys were my life. I needed them like I needed air, like a fish needs water and nothing on this Earth was going to take them from me.

"How long d'ya suppose we can keep this up? This whole saintly business of ours?" I asked. His face was serious as he contemplated my question.

"As long as it's necessary I suppose." He answered slowly. "As long as we're able ta. It's what God wants, what tha city needs and I'll be damned if I don't do anything about it. Tha real question here, Aideen, is who tha fuck is after us?"

I thought hard and long, trying to think of anyone we knew who could possibly know so much about us, or about what we were doing.

"Ya think it's got anythin' ta do with Yakavetta? Ya figure they've got t'be wantin some sort o' revenge." I considered aloud.

"It's possible. But wha d'ya think they'd be wantin with our pictures? They already know wha we look like, an we don't have any family in tha states." He thought, lighting a smoke.

"Dunno. Maybe they're bringin in outside guys? Who knows. We'll have ta tread this one carefully. I'm not goin through that again. I just got ya back, lord fuckin knows I ain't losin either o'ya again." I said as he squeezed me affectionately. I know he was nervous too. The last thing any of us wanted was one of us to die. There's no way I could handle that, same as the boys.

"We'll have ta call Smecker an see if he knowsa anyone who's been fuckin around recently. God fuckin knows the Russians and the Italians are still bickerin like fuckin teenagers over turf." Connor said, as I stole his cigarette and finished my beer all in the same notion. I got myself another beer, still taking drags off my stolen nicotine stick, contemplating how to go about this without putting ourselves in the line of fire.

"Aye, it seems he's our only option at this point. Soon as ya can walk, we'll figure this mess out. But wha's really buggin me is, how could someone have possibly known that tha two of ya were goin ta take 'em out? Smecker only told us hours before it all happened….an it's not like he's jus gonna walk around the precinct spoutin' how he's 'bout ta get someone killed." I said, confused.

"True. Maybe they had people watchin' out fer the likes o'us. I dunno, Deenie." Connor answered, the pain fully evident in his voice.

"Y'alright Con? Ya want whiskey stead o' beer?" I asked, concerned.

I'd spent as much time fussing over the boys as their Ma had when we were younger. Oh, how I missed that drunken women so bad some days; that lady could beat the devil. She was more of a Ma to me then my Aunt Fiona. She took me in most nights, sending me home only when the boys and I had fallen asleep, once again, in front of the television; one of us usually leaning on the others.

"Aye, whiskey would be fan-fucking-tastic right about now, m'dear." He said cheerily as I found the last bottle of our whiskey. It was a good thing Murph had gone to get more, the last thing we needed was to run out of alcohol.


	9. A Call From The Emerald Isle

**Chapter 9: A Phone Call from the Emerald Isle**

Just as Connor and I had each taken a healthy swig from the bottle, Murphy kicked the door open, his arms laden with bags and cases of beer. I helped him put them down as Murphy eyed the bottle sweetly.

"Started without me, eh? I walk all tha way ta tha fuckin store an ya can't even wait fer lil ol' Murph…." He grumbled as an empty beer can sailed past me and smacked him square in the face. I erupted into bouts of laughter as Murphy glared at his now snickering twin.

"Yer SO fuckin lucky yer hurt, I have half a mind ta put my boot up yer fuckin arse anyhow." Murphy said as Connor waved his hands in mock terror.

"Oh noooo. Macho Murph's been unleashed! Quick! Hide tha children an tha breakables! _He's a madman_!" He leered as I doubled over, wheezing from laughing so hard.

"Oh fuck off, tha both o'ya" Murph said, taking the bottle from Connor and taking a long mouthful before handing it to me. I drank more, and kept the rotation going.

"So have ya figured out a plan yet, Charlie fuckin Bronson? Or do ya have ta wait til tha next fuckin western comes on?" Murphy jeered, kicking his feet up on the rickety chairs. I repeated what I had said to Connor while he was away. He seemed just as concerned about it as I was.

"Tha's strange indeed. Wha if there's a rat somewhere?" He said, almost suspiciously.

"Wha d'ya mean like a crooked cop? Ya figure Smecker woulda caught tha one, right?" Connor asked, still unsure.

"But even if there is, who's he workin fer? It can't be anyone else but tha fuckin lowlife Italians!" I spoke with resentment as I thought of the Italians. Those thieving scum had stolen my Rocco from me and I was begging to even the odds. An eye for an eye, right?

"We've managed ta piss a lot of people off doin this bit of ours though, Deenie. Tha Russians're probably dyin ta their hands on us." Connor reasoned.

"Well, until yer walkin again, we're not doin shit about it, so…ya say we have a bit o' tha sauce in tha meantime boys?" I suggested mischievously as I tempted them with the bottle.

"Aye!" They agreed in unison, which they often did. It was strange how connected they could be. We drank in an easy silence, all of us sort of lost in our dream world, though, I had a feeling Murph was probably thinking about a million things at once. My mind started wandering to what our lives could have been like, had we not been chosen to do God's bidding. Maybe we'd be back in Ireland by now, living in some meager shack just down the lane from the boy's Ma and my own sweet, Aunt Fi. We'd probably have jobs on some farm out in the middle of the beautiful rolling green hills of the Emerald Isle. Who knows, maybe one of us would be married by now. I laughed to myself at the thought. Maybe we'd still be in the states, but we'd be different, I guessed. We'd be…happier, more carefree. We'd probably still be spending our days at the plant and our nights at McGinty's, being loud and rowdy and generally Irish. One thing was for sure….we'd still have our shaggy haired Italian. Just as a pang of blame hit me, I was jolted out of my thoughts by the ringing of our collective cell phone.

"Where tha fuck could it be now?" I said, searching under the various piles of trash and other odds and ends on the table. I found and opened it, curious to see who was on the other end.

"'Lo? Conner? Murphy? Aideen? Ye thur?" My heart leapt as I heard Ma's voice on the other end, slightly slurred. That was a usual thing though. I waved my hand at the boys to shush them.

"Ma MacManus! Hold on a minute." I put her on speakerphone as the boys hushed themselves.

"Ma?" Murphy said, still sipping from the bottle. Connor rapped him on the head and he passed it along.

"Me boys! An me Aideen! How're ye doin over there in tha 'orrible fuckin place?" She said with worry oozing out of her words.

"We're jus fine, Ma. Deenie's takin' care of us real good." Connor soothed her as best he could, flinching as he leaned forward to hear her. Murphy and I exchanged uneasy glances, we never really knew what to expect with her, but for me, that'd always been half the fun.

"Good! Lord knows I need someone sensible ta look aft ya. Though, she caused as much hell as tha both o'ye at times!" She half laughed, half coughed. "Aideen, Yer Aunty Fi's here. She wants ta say hullo." We heard the phone rustling, accompanied the flick of a cigarette lighter and Ma coughing like mad in the background.

"Deenie? Ye thur?" My aunt's voice came sweetly through the receiver.

"Ya Aunty, I'm here. How's Uncle Callum?" I asked, hoping he wasn't around too. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved my uncle, but that man could talk the teeth off a saw.

"Fit as a fiddle he is. Down at tha pubs, probably drinkin half tha ale they got and chasin most tha lasses, bless 'em. We miss ye, an tha boys. It's been almost 22 years, ye know." Her voice took a melancholy tone and my heart sank.

"I know Aunty. But we'll come an see ya soon, soon as we can make some decent money." I promised her. Murphy and Connor looked at me, trying to mask the sadness in their eyes. It was almost the anniversary of my parent's death.

"Alright dearie, Ma MacManus wants ta talk with her boys. I love ye Aideen Bidelia." I returned her love, smacking both of the boys as they snickered, once again at my middle name.

"Now boys, listen ta me now. Ye know I don't want ya scrappin. Specially when poor Deenie's stuck cleanin up yer fuckin mess. Ye hear yer Ma?" She lectured, stopping to sip out of a bottle herself, no doubt.

"Yes Ma." They chimed in unison.

"An remember," She continued, and we all sighed, knowing what was coming. "A man luvs his sweetheart tha most, his wife tha best…"

"An his Ma tha longest" The boys finished. And the conversation was over. I took a long draught out of the bottle and the boys stared at me, silently.

"Wha?" I said, as innocently as I could, but they knew me better than that.

"Y'alright, Deenie?" Connor said, a slight hint of sympathy in his voice.

"I'm alright, mo grá. It's jus a weird feelin is all." I said morosely.

"How'd they…ya know, die anyway? Ya never did tell us an Ma always yelled at us when we tried ta ask." Murphy inquired.

"C'mon Murph, this ain't tha time!" Connor started.

"t's alright Noccie, ya deserve ta know after all these years." I took a deep breath, trying to remember. I'd all but pushed it from my memory. "When I was 7 my parents were mugged comin home from some party in Cork. They stabbed 'em an car jacked 'em. From wha I heard, my Da was still alive when they left, but he wouldn't leave me Ma ta die alone, so stayed with her an they bled ta death on some back road." I explained, carefully watching their faces. I'd always hated the way people looked at me after I told them what happened. The way the pity would creep on to their faces like they'd smelled something foul. They'd smile at me sweetly, trying to tuck it back in, but it was always in their eyes after that. I'd always be "that poor orphan girl" sent to live with her Aunt and Uncle. "How tragic." "Such a shame." They'd always whisper, like I was too far away or too stupid to hear them. But the boys had never seen me like that. To them, I was just Aideen, nothing more, nothing less and I loved them greatly for it.

"Jesus Deenie, tha's fuckin horrible!" Connor said, reaching out and pulling me into him, gently kissing the top of my head. Murph just looked at me, not really sure what to say.

"Is tha why ya do this? I mean, is tha wha really drives ya?" He asked, finally.

"I hadn't thought about it like that, I suppose. Though, it probably has somethin ta do with it, subconsciously." I said, taking a sip of my beer as I reached for the cigarette pack in front of me. It was awkwardly quiet for a second, but as I looked up from lighting my smoke, Connor and Murphy were both staring at me, playful smiles fixed on their faces.

"Wha?" I asked, nervously. I wasn't sure what they had planned.

"Ya should know, _Aideen Bidelia_" Murph teased before him and Connor dissolved into fits of laughter. I smiled as I lunged at him, sending him sprawling to the floor and getting him into a headlock as Connor cheered me on.


	10. Man Pride

**Chapter 10: "Man Pride" **

"Fuckin say it Murph! Jus say it an I'll let ya go!" I promised as he struggled awkwardly, since I was sitting on top of him, and had his arms pinned against his back.

"Fuck off! Never!" He declared, struggling harder, his pride now hanging in the balance. Connor was howling with delight at the thought of what he knew was coming.

"I can do this all day, ya know. Yer gonna have ta say it at some point." I faked a yawn, as he finally stopped flailing, overcome by defeat. He mumbled something into the floor and I knew what it was.

"Wha? Sorry Murph, I can't here ya….can ya hear him Connor?" I taunted him.

"Not one word, m'dear. Ya really will have ta speak louder, my dear brudder." Connor said, overcome with elation.

"I said….Aideen's better than me at scrappin'…"He started, his ego obviously hurt.

"Aaaannnndd" I prodded.

"An I got beat up by a fuckin' girl!" He said miserably as I rolled off him.

Since we were younger, I'd always make the boys say it when I won a fight, which wasn't very often since they were stronger than me. A girl's gotta have her fun, right?

"Now was tha so hard, _Macho Murph_" Connor tormented as he handed his brother the bottle of half full whiskey.

"Ya both can suck me cock! I woulda won if she hadn't lunged at me like a fuckin feral child!" He said, passing me the bottle. "But tha was good Aidey, maybe next time I won't let ya win." He winked at me as I snorted.

"Alright Murph, whaever ya need ta believe ta keep yer "man pride" tagether." I responded.

"Me _man pride_'s got nothin ta do with it. We can always have a rematch if ya think ya can take me again." He suggested, his eyes glinting with boyish glee.

"Or" I said, picking up the cell and flipping it open. "I could call yer Ma an tell her tha yer pickin on poor ol' Deenie." I threatened as Murphy's face morphed to total fear.

"Well, I think we've solved that one then, haven't we?" Connor said smugly from the couch.

"How ya feelin?" Murphy turned his attention to Connor, a worried expression slinking into his eyes. I knew he still felt guilty. It wasn't the first, or the last time we would take a bullet for each other, almost die for each other, and no amount of drinking, or killing would take that guilt away from us. It was always etched into the back of our minds, but the pain slowly lessened with time.

"A bit better, I suppose. Though, it still hurts like a mutherfucker." He said, trying not to sound weak.

"Pussy." I heard Murphy say under his breath and I felt the smile tug on the edge of my lips. Yeah, my boys were back alright. Resilient little bastards, they were.

"We oughta clean 'em again. Last thing we need is a trip ta tha fuckin' hospital." I said, shuddering at the thought.

"Wha's with ya an fuckin hospitals, Aidey?" Murph asked interestedly. Hospitals always scared me half to death. The smell of sickness and death and misery just hung in the air, sticking to my clothes. And the people were what really got me. Wearing scant gowns, moaning and shuffling around like fucking zombies, some of them just lying in a bed, the feeling of death just hovering around them. I'd always avoided the waiting room if I could. I couldn't take watching the families of some poor soul, tucked into some corner, crying and anxious and praying that it was a false alarm. It just wasn't something I could ever handle.

"They jus fuckin skeeve me. They smell like death, an ya always smell like it fer hours after ya leave." I said, horrified.

"Yer a right fuckin strange one, Deenie." Connor said in amazement as I started grabbing the medical supplies. Connor sat forward as I unwound the bandages that covered most of his chest and stomach. The bruising had worsened and he looked he was rotting from the inside out or something with the way the pattern spread across his body, swirling colors of deep purple, green and yellow like a kaleidoscope. He grimaced, gritting his teeth as I poured rubbing alcohol into the wounds.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, women! Yer as ruthless as Ma!" He gasped as Murphy handed him the bottle.I watched Murphy's eyes study the gaping wounds on Connor, the guilt steadily seeping into his eyes. I knew I couldn't do anything; Murph would handle this same as he'd always done. He'd lock it all in his mind and sort it out when he was alone. There was no amount of poking and prodding me or even Connor could do to get it out of him. He either talked about it, or he didn't. I sat back, letting the wounds soak and cleanse as I sipped heartily from the bottle, embracing the burn once again.

"Yer probably gunna be outta commission fer awhile there, Con." Murphy stated as Connor fidgeted, already restless.

"Ya think? I think I'm as healthy as a fuckin ox!" he kidded.

"Yeah, an ox with a broken fuckin leg maybe. Ya look worse than Roc after a fuckin bar fight." I laughed. Rocco, good Lord rest his soul, was not a very good fighter. This was inconvenient for him, because he had a big mouth and more often than not, we'd be the ones to have to back it up. I'd lost count of the number of times he'd gotten his ass kicked for opening his big Italian mouth after one too many drinks, but fuck if I didn't miss the shit outta that loud, mouthy bastard.

"I can jus see him now, drunk as fuck in heaven, tryin ta seal tha deal with some sexy angel." Murphy mused, a faint smile across his face.

"Knowin' him, he's probably braggin 'bout something he had nothin ta do with, like they don't already know tha shit in heaven." Connor added. I poured us proper shots, to honor Roc's memory. I started reciting the prayer I'd learned by heart when my parents had died.

_**Death is nothing at does not count.I have only slipped away into the next remains as it old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, we were to each other, that we are me by the old familiar of me in the easy way which you always no sorrow in your as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed , smile, think of me, pray for my name be ever the household word that it always it be spoken without effortLife means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever is unbroken should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,just around the is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is brief moment and all will be as it was we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.**_

"Amen." The boys mumbled as we all silently took our shots.


	11. Bickerin Like Teenagers

**Chapter 11: Bickerin Like Teenagers**

"Wha the fuck am I supposed ta do then? Knit a fuckin scarf?" Connor asked as he scanned the room.

"Winter _is_ comin pretty soon…"I smirked at him.

"Dunno, but ya think we should give Smecker a call? He's bound ta know somethin about all this shit." Murphy said, puffing on a newly lit smoke.

"Yer not as stupid as ya look, brudder o'mine." Connor said, delicately reaching for the phone and dialing at light speed.

"Smecker? 's Connor. 's it alright if Aideen and Murph meet ya at tha station or somethin? We need some help and ya might be tha one we need." He said with a businesslike and causal air to his words. Connor could definitely be a salesman someday. He'd always had this way with words. He could convince you the sky was fucking purple and you'd believe it. He hung up the phone and wrote an address down.

"He wants ya ta meet him at a restaurant a few blocks away tomorrow at 11. Be careful, the two o'ya." He warned us, obviously pained at having to be left behind.

"Ya sure yer alright stayin by yerself Noccie?" I asked, concerned. My motherly instinct was kicking in hard.

"I'm a grown man, Deenie. I'll be alright. Ya need ta handle this an I can't very well go with ya in my condition. Mother's orders." He said dotingly. A soft knock at the door stopped our conversation immediately. Murphy and I looked at each other, our hands flying to our guns automatically. I motioned for him to stay near Connor, last thing we needed was him to get hurt, again. I could feel their eyes on my back as I looked through the peephole. I exhaled as I saw the face of their Da, patiently waiting outside. I opened it and let him in. His eyes swept across the apartment once owned by David Della Rocco, taking in the trash and clutter and finally landed on the bruised and battered Connor. His mouth fell open slightly and his eyes widened.

"Jesus boy! Wha'd ya do ta yerself?" He exclaimed, moving nearer to more closely examine him.

"Well, from tha looks of it, I'd say I got shot, Da. Quit yer fussin man. I'm alive an well." Connor reassured him, a grin dancing on his lips.

"Lord's fuckin name lad! I've seen men die from less. Yer lucky as shit to be alive!" He said with admiration.

"Let's jus say I've got a damn good doctor." Connor winked at me and Da turned around and looked at me.

"Ye fixed him, did ye? I always had high hopes fer ya, m'dear. I knew ye'd be somethin' special." He gloated.

"How'd….How'd ya find us? I mean, no one really knows we come here…" Murphy said uneasily, glancing out the windows.

"Yer brother's got a mouth the size of fuckin Lough Neagh when he gets ta drinkin."

"Were ya followed?" Connor said, a touch of tension in his voice.

"C'mon now boys, I've been doin this since before ye could walk! I'm old, but I've not lost m'touch!"

I sat by the window, watching the cars and people on the street below. A grey Cadillac sailed by slowly, and there were a few scattered pedestrians walking leisurely in the chilly fall air. My gun was still clenched securely in my hand and I could feel the cool steel of the buck knife that was strapped to my side. Surely, if the Italians knew anything about Rocco, they'd know where he lived, and if they came, we'd be ready. I watched the Cadillac turn the corner and disappear.

"-sn't tha right, Deenie?" I jerked my head to them at the mention of my name.

"Wha?"

"Regular fuckin space cadet ya are. We said, ya can handle a gun better'n most men!" Connor bragged as a smile crept onto their Da's face.

"Ye parents woulda been proud o'ya Aideen." He said, with a trace of nostalgia. "Good people, they were." I nodded solemnly.

"22 years this winter." I said softly.

"Ye remember 'em?" He asked.

"A bit. It gets a bit hazy sometimes. I remember Ma singin, fer sure." I smiled as I remembered my Ma quietly singing me to sleep, her face calm and soothing as she rocked me. I had to bite my tongue to keep back the tears I could feel starting to grow. The boys continued their conversation as I returned to looking back down to the streets. And there it was….that same Cadillac cruising by slowly, the passenger was pointing at the building and then up at the window where I was sitting. I ducked out of view and Murphy was at my side in a second.

"Wha? Wha's wrong, Aidey?" His guns in hand and ready.

"Twice now I've seen tha Caddy roll past an this time, they were pointin ta tha apartment." I said, peering out the window, my heart fluttering.

"Get away from there!" Connor said slightly alarmed as Murphy grabbed my arm and hoisted me backward.

"It's gotta be tha fuckin Italians. Wha'd I tell ya!" I said as adrenaline coursed through me. I jumped up and grabbed our duffle bags full of weapons, throwing Connor a hefty automatic. If he couldn't move fast, at least he'd have some sort of protection.

"Slow yerself Deenie. We don't know fer sure wha's goin on jus yet." Connor grabbed my arm as I rushed past him again, frantic. I took the cigarette he gave me as I came up behind Murphy who was diligently staring out the window.

"It's circlin' alright. Been past here twice more." He confirmed as Da drew the curtains.

"They won't be stupid enough ta try anthin in broad daylight. Not with this many people around. Have ye talked ta tha agent friend o'yers? Maybe he's got some insight on all this fuckin madness." Da said, puffing casually on a cigar, unalarmed by all of the insanity.

"I dunno if we should even go an see him now, given all this. Wha if there is a rat?" Murph said, opening a beer.

"We'll go an see him, just get tha lowdown on wha's goin on 'round here. It can't hurt. Da'll stay with Noccie while we're gone, jus ta be safe. Smecker's gotta know somethin." I declared. We would go and see him, it just would be sooner then we'd hoped. I grabbed the phone from the table and redialed his number. Smecker's voice danced on the other end.

"Back so soon?" he said, and I could see the smirk planted on his face.

"Aye. We need ta meet, now. It can't wait." I said trying to push the urgency of the situation.

"Well, if you really miss me that much, we'll just have to have a rondevu, now won't we?" He toyed. He gave us the address to a different place, a small run down place that the boys and I had inhabited a few times after a drunken evening or two. It was only two blocks away. I threw the phone at Connor, who now looked more fretful then I'd seen him ever before.

"If anythin happens, ya call Smecker, got it?" I ordered as I pecked him on the cheek. Murph and I grabbed our usual arsenal of guns and knives and left, both on our guards and both worried about what might happen. We took a back alley, trying to avoid being seen by whomever it was that was keeping tabs on us. Murphy lit a smoke and handed me one as well.

"It'll be alright. Con's gonna be jus fine." He mumbled, though I wasn't sure if it was more towards me or him. We walked along with our eyes open, ready for the first sign of anything amiss, but nothing happened. We walked into the tucked away little restaurant and found Smecker quietly seated in the corner, sipping on a frappuccino. He put down the paper he was reading as Murphy and I took a seat across from him.

"You guys alright? What's going on?" he asked, apprehension glinting in his eyes.

"Ya know tha job ya asked us ta handle?" Murphy started. Smecker nodded, sipping his coffee.

"Well, they knew we were comin. We were ambushed an Connor, well, he got tha worst of it. An now, we got people drivin past where we are, like they're lookin fer us." Smecker was quiet as he took it all in. He leaned back in his chair and lit a cigarette, shooting a glance to the young waitress who was doing what looked like homework at the counter as he exhaled.

"There's been talk about a turf war since you guys took out Yakavetta. Word has it the Macalusso family has been in line for ages to be the next big bambino, but the Russians are putting up one hell of a fight and they're doing a hell of a job considering the number of people they've got. But they've got one thing in common and that's you. Everyone's pissing their pants trying to figure out what you guys are gonna do next." He slid a file across the table at us and we quickly flipped through the various pages and pictures.

"Jesus fuckin Christ. There's gotta be like, 50 people here!" Murphy exclaimed.

"Ya know of anyone on tha inside that's a bit sketchy? It was no coincidence tha there was an ambush. We're thinkin there's a crooked cop somewhere in this mess." I said as Smecker mulled it over.

"If there is, he's damn good. I'll keep my eyes peeled for anyone who's a little too "hands on" with this whole thing." He assured us. "How's Connor doing?"

"He's alive. Took a few bullets, but ya know him, tha tough little bastard. Nothin a few weeks of sittin on his ass won't fix." Murphy said. We chatted casually for a few minutes and parted ways, both our minds reeling. We walked along in silence as we rounded the corner to Roc's old place. I looked up to see the Cadillac once again cruising by and I pulled Murphy into the alley we'd just come from. The two men in the car were stocky, to say the least. The driver was probably in his late 40's his hair dark and combed neatly to the side. He wore a thick chain with a crucifix on it that hung over his pinstriped suit. His passenger, who was shorter by a least a foot, was peering out the window and up at our apartment, saying something to the driver. His dusty blonde hair was long and flopped around his shoulders. He wore a cream colored suit with red accents. He looked younger, maybe in his late 30's at best. Murphy and I looked at each other. My heart jumped into my throat.

"Ya think they're Italians?" Murphy whispered as we peeked around the corner.

"They look awfully fuckin' Italian ta me. I fuckin knew it. Those motherfuckers." I replied. We waited until the car had disappeared down a side street and make our break for the apartment, not stopping until we were safely at the door.


	12. Crosses To Bear

**Chapter 12: Crosses to Bear **

We entered to find Connor and Da in an intense conversation.

"-'s been years now boy, get a move on with it already!" They stopped as we entered. Connor instantly knew something was wrong as soon as our eyes met.

"Wha? Wha is it?" He said, fidgeting with worry. It had to have been driving him crazy to be out of all the action.

"They're fuckin Italians alright. Saw them in tha Cadillac roundin tha corner." I spat.

"Jesus, Mary and fuckin Joseph. Wha'd Smecker say?"

"Pretty much said that tha Russians are disputin turf with this Macalusso family tha's tryin ta pick up where tha Yakavetta's left off. Only problem is tha they're both out ta get us before we get them." Murphy practically growled.

"It's a fine mess ye've gotten yerselves in, aye?" Da said, standing and peering out the window. I could see him carefully weighing options.

"We can't afford ta be movin anywhere with Connor in his condition." I said automatically, knowing that's what he was mulling over. "Besides, we got nowhere else ta go."

"Aye, an even if we did, I'm not backin down, not after all tha shit we jus went through!" Murphy said defiantly. He'd always been one for action anyways. He loved the thrill of fighting for fighting's sake. I'd lost count of the times he'd pick a fight with the biggest person in the room, just to see if he could beat him, but that was Murph for you.

"Now hold yer fuckin tongues. Let's take a fuckin second ta take a fuckin breath!" Connor said, sipping from the almost empty bottle. "we don't know fer sure wha they're up ta, so let's not go around flippin shit jus yet until we know fer a fact wha they have planned."

"But Connor-" Murphy objected. I looked at Connor, studying his face. He was exhausted and hurting, but he wouldn't let that show, not at a time like this. No, Connor would do his best to keep it together, because he knew that Murphy needed him. He knew that if he fell apart, so would Murphy and he'd die before he let that happen.

"No, he's right Murph. We need ta get all tha pieces ta this before we go chargin around tha city like fuckin lunatics. Connor needs ta rest before we do anythin. We're stayin put." I put my foot down and Murph realized that I was right. He'd do anything to make sure Connor was alright. For fuck's sake, the man had been on the edge of death until only a few hours ago! Connor needed to rest and relax for a while and none of us were willing to sacrifice his health for this.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say ye've been around their Ma entirely too much." Da smiled. "But yer right. Gettin' him well is tha first priority."

"Wha's tha ya got Murph?" Connor said, eyeing the folder Smecker had given us. I'd almost forgotten about it all together.

"Smecker gave it ta us. Ya both should take a look. We got a full house ta clean." Murphy said excitedly. He loved what we did at times like this. He would always be an adrenaline junkie. Connor and Da flipped through the folder and Da suddenly snatched it up from Connor's hands, studying a picture.

"I know this woman. She's tha lass tha put me in jail!" He exclaimed, full of rage. We all huddled around, getting a good look at the picture. She was pretty, with round, full hazel eyes and a perfect smile. Her chestnut brown hair was pulled sloppily up in the mug shot, but she still had a powerful elegance about her.

"Allegra Cabassi. Her father was tha mafia's right hand man back in tha day. She ratted me out ta save her own arse, tha wench."

"So wha's she doin in tha folder then, tha had ta have been years ago, right?" Murphy asked.

"Says she married Emilio Macalusso, underboss o'tha family." He read her file.

"Wha tha fuck're we gonna do now then?" Connor said, contemplating.

"We're not gonna do shit now. Smecker's lookin inta the whole crooked cop deal, an there's not much else we can do but wait. Wha YOU need ta do is take a fuckin nap. Ya look fuckin exhausted, tha both o'ya." I said, seeing the dark circles encompassing both of their eyes. They looked at each other, both deciding it was best not to fight with me at this point. Da and Murph helped Connor to the back room, with only their Da emerging.

"Still joined at tha hip, I see." He laughed as he sat across from me at the table.

"Always will be, tha two of 'em. Ya can't really have one without tha other. " I smiled fondly.

"Yer a noble woman, Aideen. They're lucky ta have ye. Ya know they're raving mad about ye!" He said, chuckling.

"I know. I dunno wha I'd do without 'em, those cheeky little fuckers. They missed ya though. I know they have. Watched 'em grow up without ya, watched 'em struggle an wonder. They won't say anythin' though. Lord fuckin forbid." I said and his grin died away.

"T'wasn't an easy choice ta make, as ye well know now. I loved me boys, and me sweet Anne, but God's callin was louder. Not a day goes by tha I don't regret walkin out tha door, but I have a feelin I woulda regretted it more if I hadn't." he said, his eyes glimmering with resolve.

"Don't ya ever get tired? Jus want ta go back ta Ireland an hug yer wife an do nothin at all? How can we keep this up? We know how it's gonna end, none o'us will say it, but we know. God knows I couldn't, I _wouldn't_ go on without either o'them. I feel like I got tha damn cross on my back." I said, my worries slipping out of me before I could even stop them.

"D'ya know wha I think? I think the good lord gives us all a cross ta bear, and yer crosses are sleepin in tha next room. Now that ye know how corrupt this world is, could ya stop? Could ye honestly sit around knowin wha's happenin an not do anythin ta stop it? God gave those boys ye so ya could protect 'em, look out fer them. I know ye'd follow them ta the gates of hell because ya can't be without them. O'course there's days where I wanna quit an run, but if we don't answer the call o'God, then who will?" He said, valiantly and my heart swelled. This was our calling. The boys and I knew it, we all felt it. That deep burning feeling of justice and anger and the need to fix this broken world we lived in. Da took my right hand, showing me the slightly faded tattoo that stood there. "Virtus" shone back at me. Virtue, it meant in English, honor, morality. Connor, Murphy and I had gotten them just as everything started, to serve as a constant reminder of just why we did this. I remember how proud we were, getting them done, Connor choosing Veritas, and Murph choosing Aequitas. We were fated to do this, God had chosen this as our destiny, and who were we to deny God? I smiled at Da, sipping on a newly opened beer.

"Ya think they forgive me?" He asked, studying to doorway to the bedroom guiltily.

"I think they're confused, but excited. Murphy's always been quick ta fergive, but it'll take Connor a bit longer ta come ta terms with this. They love ya, they always have. We used ta pretend ya were off fightin crime, funny how it works out, dunnit?" I grinned. He laughed as he puffed on a cigar, leaning back in his chair.

"Ye know, yer father always wanted ya ta be a strong women, like yer mother. Tha women could beat tha paint off a house if she thought it'd done her wrong." He said, remembering with a hint of a smile on his lips.

"How well did ya know 'em? I only really remember tha little things. Like tha way Da smelled of whiskey an aftershave, or how Ma loved yellow roses, so Da would get them on her birthday." I said, trying to remember every detail of them I could muster.

"I grew up with yer Da, since we was 5 years old. Sly little bastard he was, ye remind me so much of 'em anymore." He said sadly, pounding back a shot. "Ta be honest, their death is wha made me start this whole Saintly bid. I was so angry tha God could do somethin like tha ta people like yer parents, so confused tha no one could see how wrong this world was. I knew God had chosen me ta stop it all." There was a silence as we both drank. He looked at me regret and fear in his eyes. He leaned forward, his eyes staring right into my soul.

"I never wanted this fer ya three. I wanted ya ta have a happy life, free from this. I wanted tha boys ta run and play an cause the havoc only boys can. I wanted ya ta settle down with tha ones ya loved and have a family and a life tha ye could enjoy." He atoned, his cigar in hand.

"It's God's will now. T'was God tha gave us this, not you. T'was God tha gave me back my Connor and took my Rocco. God's not one ta throw all his cards down at once, he's kinda funny like that." I said, finishing my beer and standing from the cluttered table. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's about my naptime." I walked into the bedroom that Connor had fought for his life in and nudged Murphy, who was sleeping soundly on the floor next to the mattress. He shifted over automatically and I nestled myself in between the two people I couldn't live without, happy that we were all together once again, as our chaotic dysfunctional family.


End file.
